


Unapologetic secrets

by Liaeling



Category: Ancient History RPF, Classical Greece and Rome History & Literature RPF, Dancing with the Lion - Jeanne Reames, Historical RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:55:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28542903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liaeling/pseuds/Liaeling
Summary: "The collapse of their preconceptions had started a long time ago, when they had both realized four hands could do better than just two. They had never thought it overturned their roles, neither did they find it overwhelming. They had simply concluded that they were beyond one simple way of expressing their desire."
Relationships: Alexander the Great/Hephaistion, Alexandros III of Macedon | Alexander the Great & Hephaistion of Macedon, Alexandros III of Macedon | Alexander the Great/Hephaistion of Macedon
Comments: 13
Kudos: 24





	Unapologetic secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, guys. Hope you are having a great start in this new year.  
> This time around this story is totally in the “Dancing with the Lion” universe, got inspired in one of my latest re-reads. I wanted to explore the theme of resentment and dominance/power, simply by wondering what could have happened if Hephaistion hadn’t completely processed Alexandros’ big "lie" (won’t spoil the book, sorry, you’ll have to read it). Also, I wanted to revert their relationship a bit, playing with the idea of their established roles and the exploration beyond hypothetical shame.
> 
> Anyway, you’ll understand a bit more if you read the books, but if you haven’t, you can still get the idea behind it. This time around I did use the spelling of the names used in the book: Alexandros and Hephaistion.  
> The start of the story is right after the Hetairideia of "Rise", where Hephaistion got seventh place in Single Combat.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it.

“There will come a time when you realize your words can make the world turn its back on you.”

Alexander blinked rapidly, gaze going past the young man in front of him and getting lost in the Pieran Range beyond the veranda. The sound of the Baphuras River running underneath his room made him feel lightheaded after those words.

How dare he talk to him this way? Sometimes Hephaistion’s honesty was too close to impudence. Another Prince would slap him. Another Prince would kick him out and send him to the harsher trainer in the Kingdom. Another Prince would not love him as much as he did.

Hephaistion set down his cup loudly on the table and walked right out into the veranda, his back to him. Every muscle in his back was taut, but his head was down. He was ashamed he  _ felt _ something. He was also ashamed of lashing out in the midst of that feeling. Alexandros knew him too well to know he did not regret the words, but he did regret the feeling behind them. Hephaistion’s anger was like a huge tidal wave, you could see it approach from afar but could do nothing to stop it. Hephaistion himself could not see the wave, he would ride it unwillingly until it crashed and surprised him with its intensity and power.

Alexandros sighed softly, unsure if he wanted to console or push even more to get a reaction. He would never admit it to anyone, but he felt something different when Hephaistion became emotional. Something… that made him in turn feel ashamed.

He walked to the veranda and leaned into the lintel of the high window, staring at Hephaistion’s dark loose hair getting tangled with the wind from the river. The sun was on him, creating shadows across his back that put on relief his muscles under the sweaty dun  _ khiton _ . 

His beauty, his strength, and his insolence were the three qualities he fell in love with.  _ Eros _ .

But his perseverance, his intelligence, and his loyalty were the three virtues Alexandros loved.  _ Philia.  _

There was something in Hephaistion unlike any other. Perhaps his contrasting virtues and vices were in line with Alexandros', or perhaps he only thought they were. They were so different and yet so alike. Alexandros liked to think he was the more sensible of the two, but he knew he was as headstrong as Hephaistion, and in some issues, even more than him. Hephaistion wasn’t impulsive like him, on the contrary, he could be too cautious. Sometimes he wished he was more spontaneous, more flexible. He judged and judged harshly, unlike Alexandros who could live with giving second chances. 

Once you lose Hephaistion’s trust, you will never get it back.

Alexandros stared at Hephaistion’s back as he thought this, feeling a cold chill down his back. 

“Are my words that harsh? Or are you simply jealous because Pausanias is chasing after me?” he whispered, trying to make his tone light. He wanted to fight, but he wasn’t sure if that was a smart idea at the moment. Hephaistion was still warm with the strain of the fights of the  _ Hetairideia _ .

Hephaistion turned, leaning back into the rail of the veranda. His eyes were completely dark, staring straight into Alexandros.

“You need to learn to treat lightly where you don’t have an advantage,” he whispered, voice dangerously low.

Alexandros simply stared back, taken by surprise by the dark tone in Hephaistion’s voice. Whatever he was implying, he had never talked to him like this. He was truly angry.

“You can say and order whatever you want out there, but here you are not the Prince,” Hephaistion continued in the same low tone, making Alexandros feel something he hadn’t felt in a long time, “In here… you are simply the one who lied to me.”

He felt a tingle down his back, slowly creeping like a small spider. The wound had festered inside Hephaistion, and it had tainted everything around him. His anger was cold and strong, and in full display in front of Alexandros. He was afraid to reach out and touch him, he was sure he would be cold as ice.

There was a hurt behind his words that spoke of different issues beside the one in display. There was something dark and secret hidden behind them, and Alexandros suddenly felt like he had been given access to a new and yet unseen side of Hephaistion. 

For all his smug looks and cold exterior, Hephaistion’s inner emotions ran deep, deeper than the river below the veranda. His steady spirit occasionally got lost in the dangerous rapids of his feelings, scaring everyone around him but no one more than himself.

And in those moments, Alexandros knew he felt weak.

He looked at him, reaching out with a look, trying to find a way to approach the wounded but still defensive creature before him. Words wouldn’t work, they would simply fill the silence and end up in misunderstandings and future resentments. 

Hephaistion’s dark eyes never left him, their intensity drilling into his skin and hurting him… not in a bad way.

And through the tingling in his skin, Alexandros knew what he had to do. What he  _ wanted _ to do.  What he had wanted Hephaistion to do to  _ him  _ for some time now.

He took a step forward, eyes locked into the dark ones before him. He knew he didn’t need to say it, he was sure Hephaistion felt the change in the air between them, he could see the hair on his arms standing on end. He felt it as much as he did. Alexandros simply looked up directly into his eyes, head slightly turned to his left side. He let his arms go loose next to his sides, making sure his stance reflected his craving. 

He felt a slight shiver of pleasure running down his back. He wasn’t ashamed. This was between Hephaistion and him, and no one else.

“No, in here I am not the Prince,” he whispered, deliberately enunciating every word slowly, “With you, there are no titles.”

He felt more than saw the change in Hephaistion. A slight change in his gaze coupled with a barely perceptible alteration in his breathing. What had been a defiant gaze turned into an intensely charged look, passion and doubt mixing with something Alexandros identified as apprehension. Something was becoming undone inside Hephaistion, something that had started falling apart since the day they first looked at each other with something that could not be described as anything else but essential  _ need _ .

Alexandros slowly took three more steps, closing the distance between them and getting close enough to feel Hephaistion’s chest expand and contract with his quickening breath. Still, he didn’t reach out for direct touch. He was afraid he might combust at the mere friction.

“With you… there are no limits,” he whispered, words barely audible above the uproar of the river below them. 

They stood facing each other, not a word passing between them. The sun was shining down and reflecting in the river below, making refracted streaks of light shine on them. Alexandros saw one of these refracted lights dance across Hephaistion's hair, bringing out an almost reddish tint in his dark brown hair. If only he understood how much…

Suddenly, he was hoisted up by the hips and crushed against Hephaistion’s burning chest. Instinctually, he wrapped his legs around his waist for additional support, surprising even himself with his pliant reaction. 

Alexandros was glad his lover was fast on his feet, for once. His agility was more than welcomed as he quickly dragged them both inside the room and close to the red couch. He felt light-headed and drunk on Hephaistion’s heat. This wasn’t the cure to their resentment, but he would rather conduct the experiment than fall into conjectures.

He was suddenly pushed harshly away from his lover’s delicious heat and towards the couch, making the whole frame shake as he fell across it. He instantly hoisted himself upwards on his elbows, missing the proximity and shooting a charged look directly at the man standing before him.

Hephaistion was staring down at him, expression blank and controlled. But Alexandros saw the fire beneath it, he saw his flared nostrils and the slight shaking of his hands.

“Take off your clothes,” Hephaistion said curtly, Attik accent gaining prominence in his arousal. He said the words as he started to unloose his leather girdle-plates, never breaking eye contact.

Alexandros slowly unwound his crimson  _ khlamys  _ and looked down to unpin the  _ fibula _ with shaky hands. As he finally disentangled himself from his outer garment and threw it across the room, he heard Hephaistion slightly panting as he struggled to get out of his  _ khiton.  _

By the gods, he was so aroused he might finish before taking off his own  _ khiton _ .

It was like Hephaistion heard his thoughts and before he knew it, he felt his heat on top of him. Alexandros closed his eyes and clutched Hephaistion’s sides with both hands, intoxicated with the proximity. He felt him tug at his  _ khiton,  _ hoisting it above his head to save the time of unpinning it properly.

They both moaned as they brushed skin against skin, friction making their skins crawl with goosebumps. Alexandros felt the slight breeze off the river touch his side. They hadn’t even closed the windows.

“Won’t you-” he was cut short by Hephaistion pushing two fingers into his mouth, and pushing his tongue down harshly. Alexandros opened his eyes and looked up at his lover, shock and arousal mixing and setting him on fire.

“Shhh, no talking,” Hephaistion said, his face as close to his as humanly possible. There was a hunger in his eyes that Alexandros had never seen before, something akin to the look of a wild mountain lion. This was cold hunger, and the prey was subdued and ready for the feast.

Alexandros was weighing his options as he felt Hephaistion shift above, right hand out towards the small table above his head. He could be silent or he could be  _ muted _ , there was a big difference. He wasn’t planning on submitting entirely, neither did he think Hephaistion wanted that. 

This game was to be played, not yielded.

Hephaistion’s fingers inside his mouth had stopped pushing down on his tongue and Alexandros took his chance. He took one finger between his teeth and pulled, only to release it quickly and take the other one and suck down hard. Hephaistion’s erection on his thigh twitched at this, reacting faster than the man.

Finally, Hephaistion’s full attention was back on him, having found at last the small bottle of olive oil on the small table. Alexandros stared straight into his eyes as he sucked his middle finger, scrapping it slightly with his teeth, too. Hephaistion broke the eye contact and dipped his head to the side of Alexander’s head, slowly nibbling behind his left ear in the same rhythm he was sucking his finger.

They kept that up for some time, building the rhythm up and bringing it down, hips slightly rocking unconsciously against each other, creating friction between their bodies and slightly brushing their erections together.

Hephaistion’s right hand was slowly traveling back and forth Alexandros’ perineum, his lover’s legs having shamelessly found their way around him, feet pressing down into the back of his upper thighs. 

Alexandros’ hands had found their way into the dark hair above him, pulling and releasing in unison with the rhythm they kept. He felt no distress in their position, found no shame in the idea of doing what his title demanded be done inversely. Some primal voice in him knew this to be right _ ,  _ simply for the fact of  _ being _ . There was no boundary, no confinement. This was beyond thought or perception. This was existence.

Hephaistion broke their rhythm by pulling his fingers out of Alexandros’ mouth and pushing himself up to look down at him. 

“Remember, not a sound,” he whispered, his right hand stopping his movement over his perineum to grab his leg and push it further up and down against the couch. His left hand was now drawing circles around his entrance, teasing softly.

Alexandros writhed slightly, trying to find the right position to get his hand between them and stimulate another focal point. He was biting his lip and still wriggling as he felt Hephaistion’s finger slide inside him, getting past his sphincter and going deep in one clean stroke. He stopped writhing, right hand holding tight to the back of Hephaistion’s neck as his left hand froze in his search for their members.

It felt… different. Like someone had pushed him into a freezing river at the start of spring and he wasn’t entirely sure if the sudden coldness felt good or bad. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to focus his attention on the invasive feeling. There was something in his chest that felt on the point of tipping over, something dark and featureless. A whispered secret in his ear, a smell of thyme in the middle of a pine forest. Two dark eyes staring at him from across the distance…

Without warning, Hephaistion’s finger shifted inside him and pushed slightly up, stimulating a spot Alexandros had never felt before. He saw stars dance across his closed eyelids, light exploding in the darkness as he felt his heartbeat travel up his chest and lodge in his throat. He felt tight across the shoulders, loose around the waist. If this wasn’t ecstasy as the one felt in revelry, then this whole life was a lie.

Hephaistion retreated and pulled his finger out of him, eliciting a loud cry from Alexandros. He opened his eyes to look at him, ready to curse him in every tongue but he was cut short by his hand clapping down over his mouth, roughly grabbing his face and pushing it down into the couch.

His eyes were as dark as a cave in midnight, looking down on him as he opened the olive oil flask and clumsily dipping his fingers inside, making a sucking sound fill the room. Alexandros’ eyes rolled to the back of his head, arousal twitching between them. He hastily moved as much as he could and pushed Hephaistion slightly up to find the space to fit both hands and wrap them around both their erections. At the sudden touch, Hephaistion moaned above him, fingers frozen inside the flask, eyes closed.

Alexandros knew what kind of touch he preferred, they had been perfecting the art of touching each other for years. He opened his mouth slightly behind Hephaistion’s hand and let his tongue dart out to lick across his palm at the same moment he began slowly tugging at their erections. He felt his lover shiver above him, a long sigh escaping his lips.

The collapse of their preconceptions had started a long time ago, when they had both realized four hands could do better than just two. They had never thought it overturned their roles, neither did they find it overwhelming. They had simply concluded that they were beyond one simple way of expressing their desire. And what they were exploring in this room was nothing else but another form of expression that was outside the established forms, but was nonetheless possible.

Alexandros closed his eyes and focused his attention on the movement of his hands and tongue, shamelessly moving his hips in a circular motion and stroking the back of Hephaistion’s thigh with his free foot. His other leg was up and under Hephaistion’s side, being pushed down into the couch and making it impossible to use it for teasing.

Hephaistion was openly moaning as he finally pushed his now oil-covered fingers inside Alexandros, boldly opening him and pushing up against the sweet spot he had attacked earlier.

The breeze coming from the window made Alexandros shiver, arousal beginning to drip slightly between their overheated bodies. He was sure the guards outside could hear every sound they were making but for once he couldn’t care less. In this moment, he was no Prince, he had no Royal Blood. He was simply a man giving and receiving a pleasure that had no name, from a man that had no label. Whether this was right or wrong was a question without answer.

Before he could process the feeling of absence inside him, Alexandros felt Hephaistion replace his fingers with his member in a smooth move that made him lose the little breath he had left. He had entered him in one stroke, confident and a bit arrogant, not unlike his every other action. His free hand was now pushed between the couch and his lower back, pushing him slightly up to give him more leverage in position. His other hand was still busy pushing his head down and sealing his lips, roughly keeping him quiet.

He began to move inside him slowly, careful not to push too deeply. He was well endowed, a source of shame in his otherwise bold existence, but Alexandros found him just the right size inside him. 

As he began to set a rhythm, he let his hand fall from Alexandros’ mouth to be free to push both his legs up. He sat back on his heels, locking the smaller man’s heels on his shoulders and throwing him a burning look in the process.

Alexandros had to close his eyes and bite his tongue to keep himself from crying out. He felt pain mixing with something he knew was pleasure but had never felt this way before. It was a centred sensation, not unlike the lightheadedness felt after a won battle. Everything came into sharp focus in the midst of a wave of movement. He felt every finger in his hands and feet separately, could pinpoint the exact location of every single hair in his scalp, and in the same moment, he felt nothing else but an intense heat consuming him from the inside out. It was an intensity he hadn’t felt before with Hephaistion, it wasn’t anything like being inside him or touching each other into completion. This was deeper, more personal. Something to be held dear and close to his chest.

He understood now how  _ surrendering _ was a word in this game. This  _ was _ succumbing and conquering both at once. He was the substance and the conduit. There was a strange power in the motions inside him, both physical and spiritual. This wasn’t humiliation or indignity, this was  _ harmony _ .

He opened his eyes in time to see Hephaistion drop one of his legs and lower himself again towards him, one of his hands hurriedly looking for Alexandros’ erection between them. He kissed him deeply, stroking him in the right way as he kept pushing up inside him, finding the spot that made Alexandros see light dance behind closed eyelids.

He was glad he had something that stopped his screams from spilling out his mouth. He was so close to release he forgot all he had ever known and began pulling at Hephaistion’s long dark hair like he was trying to scalp him. In turn, Hephaistion’s strokes up and down his member became even quicker while his free hand found his way up Alexandros’ chest and locked around his neck, choking him slightly. Their kiss grew even sloppier as Hephaistion slammed into him violently, losing all control and making Alexandros bite down hard on his lip in retaliation.

It wasn’t long until they were both spilling, screams filling the space and overflowing out the window and into the river. Their labored breath mixed between them, taut muscles slowly going loose as the veil fell around them.

Alexandros felt something slightly shifting inside him, removing other things that had been placed and locked in place a long time ago. Hephaistion’s hand was still around his neck clutching lightly, face buried right next to it. For a moment, right before spilling his seed in Hephaistion’s belly, Alexandros had felt his chest contract with shortage of breath. The hand around his neck had closed viciously, silencing his screams and stealing the air from his lungs. 

And in that moment, Alexandros had unabashedly felt  _ free _ .

Outside the door, he heard the change of guards taking place, but he felt far away. For once, he couldn’t care less what happened or did not happen to him or for him. He only cared about what had happened  _ with him _ .

He slowly raised his heavy arms and caressed Hephaistion’s back slowly, letting his fingers draw straight lines in the crook of his spine. Not a word was whispered, not a sound was made by either of them, yet he felt aligned completely with the man above him.

A threshold had been crossed, a new song had been learned. There was no turning back. There was no one else to look for.

As the sun dipped down and came into the room, lightning up Hephaistion’s hair once more, Alexandros buried his hands in his lover’s long dark hair.

“You still think the world can turn its back on me?” he whispered, unsure if Hephaistion would even remember the words that had started it all. The man above him chuckled, hands sliding up and down Alexandros’ sides.

“If it does, I’ll be right behind you,” he whispered, raising his head slightly and locking his dark eyes into Alexandros’ blue ones, “... quite literally.”

Between laughter and muffled whispers, they saw the sun go down on their naked skin, giving way to the cool evening. If the breeze off the river came to chill their bodies, they now knew they had a new way to warm each other. 

And shame had no say in their secret. For in their secret there was nothing else but each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Please, go and read "Dancing with the Lion". I feel so alone in this niche fandom lol
> 
> All comments are welcomed~


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